


small steps

by souhaiite



Series: space au [1]
Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space Opera, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26403478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/souhaiite/pseuds/souhaiite
Summary: The door opens before Die can make up his mind about knocking or not. Die freezes. Kyo stares out at him from the dark of his room, his blond hair rumpled and clothes a bit too loose and baggy on his smaller frame. "Oh," Kyo says, voice a little hoarse. He clears his throat, knocking his knuckles against his door frame with a soft, metallic tink. "Hey."(or: space au, the road trip: first kiss edition, except there's a plot brewing now, oops)
Relationships: Die/Kyo (Dir en grey)
Series: space au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1918969
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	small steps

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TonySawicki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonySawicki/gifts).



> note: this is part of a bigger story, inspired by and with some terminology lifted from the tv show The Expanse. different plot and universe, no aliens to speak of (AS OF YET, this may change), but some similarities bc it's a good show and it's good sci-fi and idk where i was going with this watch the expanse
> 
> uhhh. i don't think there's anything to warn for, mentioned (traumatic but not life-threatening) injuries and a lack of communication, i guess!
> 
> happy birthday to a new but very dear friend! athrylis, i hope you enjoy this silliness. there will be more to come sooner rather than later, but i hope this little bit in the meantime will be enough to tide you over until then ♥!

**Die**  
**Near the Pavalle Outpost of Haluka VII**  
**0305, 197 APF**

He's not ready to sleep yet. Though his eyes ache, Die keeps them open. He stretches out further on his bunk, flicking absently through an old book he'd downloaded from the library onto his terminal before he'd left the station. He's read it countless times already, but there hasn't been much else to do on the ship.

Travelling millions of klicks takes hours even on a high g burn, and the meds he has to take for gravity sickness and bone density makes him feel even more nauseous and fatigued. As a result, Die's spent much of his time (that is, away from the medbay or strapped to into a seat struggling not to pass out) in his own bunk, either unwilling or unable to do much but flip aimlessly through content he's read and watched and listened to so often he could recite any piece of it verbatim just from a reference number.

He's distracted enough rereading the penultimate confrontation between the two romantic leads before they finally confess their feelings, that he doesn't immediately notice the soft golden glow until it starts to flash. The terminal drops onto Die's chest as he turns his head to frown at the control panel embedded in the wall next to his bed. The comm is lit up, there at the edge of the panel after the light, environment, and locking controls. It pulses almost like a heartbeat. Die rises up on his elbow, frown deepening. It's... coming from Kyo's room.

Alarms start sounding in the back of Die's head. Something must be wrong. He didn't rest and pulled his sutures somehow, or Die didn't set the cast right, or there's been a complication he hadn't planned for, or—

Before he can even think about it, Die's up, sliding his feet into his mag boots and tugging a threadbare old sweater on over his shirt and sweatpants. He tugs his braid out from the collar of the sweater, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he walks out of his room into the hall. The ship runs cooler while most of the crew sleeps to save on power, and Die hugs himself, the lonely click of his heavy boots against the metal grille floor echoing around him. He comes to a halt in front of Kyo's door without pausing to reconsider, raising a hand to knock, and finally faltering.

What is he _doing?_

Their relationship, if they can even call it that, has been strained and awkward at best, if not outright hostile at worst. Over time, Kyo's begun to open up and joke around with Die the way he does with the other members of the crew, but he's still so prone to clamming up and saying nothing at all.

_Something_ changed when Die caught Kyo after his harness snapped while they were out doing some routine maintenance on the ship, but Die doesn't know what. He hasn't had a chance to figure it out yet. Kyo suffered a broken leg and stomach wound but Die fixed him up best he could with his training and what few medical supplies they'd scavenged on their last job.

In a delirious, drugged up haze on one of the medbay pods, Kyo had told Die he loved him before he passed out for nearly forty-nine straight hours. Stunned and too panicked to leave, Die had sat at his bedside the entire time, refusing to leave in case something went wrong, checking and double-checking on his vitals so often that the blue biomonitor above Kyo's head seemed to have permanently burned into the insides of Die's eyelids.

When Kyo woke up, though, Die lost his nerve and fled.

The door opens before Die can make up his mind about knocking or not. Die freezes. Kyo stares out at him from the dark of his room, his blond hair rumpled and clothes a bit too loose and baggy on his smaller frame.

"Oh," Kyo says, voice a little hoarse. He clears his throat, knocking his knuckles against his door frame with a soft, metallic _tink_. "Hey."

"Hey." Die's voice squeaks, when he really wants to snap, ' _Hey? I haven't been able to close my eyes without imagining your tether slipping between my fingers, of having to watch you disappear into the vastness of space, of not being able to save you on the operating table. Last time I saw you conscious, you were covered in blood and saying that you loved me, and all you can say now is **hey?** _Are you serious?_ '_

Instead, Die blinks, shaking his head as he shifts back into the more comfortable medic mode. He examines Kyo more closely, taking in the pleasant pink flush in his cheeks, the brightness of his eyes. Is he running a fever?

"How are you feeling?"Die asks. Kyo opens his mouth to answer, but Die barrels on before he can speak. "How's the wound healing? Do you need me to change the bandages? Did the sutures pull out? Is the cast okay?"

Die tips his head to the side, frowning at Kyo's left leg. He can't see the cast through his loose pants. "You haven't been walking around on that leg too much, have you? I know the cast is strong enough for you to be able to walk around as long as you don't put too much weight on it, but you still need to _rest_. Have you been taking your meds with food?"Die looks away, further up the dark hall. "You know what, I'm just going to get you something—"

Kyo reaches out and catches hold of Die's hand, still raised in the air to knock. He stops Die as he starts to turn towards the mess, the corner of his mouth twitching down. "Stay," he says.

Faltering, Die gulps, loud even over the hum of the engine at the rear of the ship. Kyo looks up at him, his eyes wide and almost pleading. As Die twists out of Kyo's grip, Kyo lets him go, but his expression falters. So honest. He's always so expressive, so easy to read, except for when he apparently _fell in love with Die somehow_. All while making Die feel as if there was nothing Kyo wanted more than to throw him out an airlock some days.

Die's hand, still raised in the air between them, moves of its own accord, cupping Kyo's cheek in his hand. Kyo's breath hitches. They stare at each other. _No fever_ , Die registers dimly.

They come together, mouths meeting as if magnetized. Kyo's arms wind around Die's waist and he drags him closer, backing up a step until his shoulders press against the door jam. Die's hand shifts from Kyo's cheek into his hair, tipping his head up.

" _Kyo_ ," Die breathes. Kyo's lips drift to follow meandering paths down the front of Die's throat, hands sliding down Die's back to grip his hips. Die's fingers clench in Kyo's hair with a shuddering exhale, further ruffling the blond strands.

Kyo hums into the kiss, fingertips digging into Die's back just above his ass. "What?"

Die feels warm, a full body flush from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. Does _he_ have a fever now? Bad reaction to the gravity meds?

"Come on, you're supposed to rest," Die murmurs, drawing back from Kyo's mouth and blinking his eyes open. Kyo chases after him, rising up on his toes to press their lips back together. Die moans when Kyo sucks on his tongue, hips hips rocking forward to grind against Die's. " _Kyo_ ," Die tries again, forcing himself to focus. "You should be lying down."

That seems to catch Kyo's attention. He tips his head back against his door, squinting up at Die through the walkway lights, dimmed for the night's rest. His lips are pinker, spit-slick, and Die just wants to kiss him again.

"You're right," Kyo replies finally, and before Die can even feel surprised that he gave in so easily, the corner of his mouth curls into a smirk. "Why don't you join me?"His hands slide up to curl in the front of Die's sweater, and he drags Die back through the doorway as his door slides open behind them with a soft _hiss_ of decompressed air. Die yelps, stumbling forward.

He drags Die back down to kiss him as they stagger into Kyo's room, and Die comes readily, eagerly. Through sheer dumb luck, they make it through the minefield of organized chaos without incident.

Die gingerly pushes Kyo down onto the unmade bunk. When Kyo doesn't make any sound of pain or discomfort, just looks up at Die with that same, stupidly sexy little smirk, Die drops down onto the bed beside him. He lets himself be rolled, rising up to straddle Kyo's hips and bends forward, careful to support himself over Kyo's torso. Kyo hums, curling his arms around Die's neck, dragging him down until their lips brush against each other. Die sucks in a breath, tipping his head as Kyo's tongue rolls slow and sweet into his mouth.

He lets out the softest noise, his hands curling in the sheets at either side of Kyo's head. Die slides his tongue alongside Kyo's with a shiver and another muffled sound, and Kyo smiles into the kiss with a soft huff of breath, amused. One hand follows along the length of Die's spine, his fingers tucking into the back pocket of Die's sweatpants. He doesn't squeeze, just rests his hand there at the top of Die's ass, a warm and comforting weight.

His body feels hot and he's only getting hotter as Kyo's tongue moves in ways that make Die feel a little light-headed. Kyo's other hand curls in Die's hair at his nape to pull his head back and bite along the underside of his jaw. Die makes an embarrassing noise, rocking in Kyo's lap. He bites his lip and Kyo laughs again, more air than sound. Kyo tilts his chin to slot their mouths back together and Die makes another embarrassing sound, lips parting when he feels the graze of Kyo's tongue on his upper lip.

The wetness of their lips smacking against each other rings in Die's ears. "Ah, _Kyo_ ," he sighs. Kyo murmurs something back, almost like a question. A tease. His fingers curl in Die's pocket, fingernails digging into Die's ass through the thin fabric, and all at once, Die finds himself wishing there wasn't a barrier between them.

Kyo's fingertips drag across Die's nape. The breath shudders out of Die's lungs, his arms trembling. He drops down to his elbows, still hovering over Kyo. Tipping his head back, Kyo deepens the kiss, sucking at the tip of Die's tongue. He shifts on his bed, pushing up against Die's chest, and hisses out a pained breath when he pushes himself too far.

Fuck. _This is so irresponsible._ "I have to go," Die says, sitting back on his heels in Kyo's lap.

Kyo gazes up at him, eyes glimmering in the low light of the room and half-hidden behind heavy, sultry lids. His spit-slicked lips are pink and swollen, chest rising with each quickened breath. "Don't want you to," he sighs, sliding his hand free from Die's pocket after a moment. He keeps one hand on Die's hip, the other curled protectively over his still-healing wound. "But if that's what you want."

Die ducks down and kisses Kyo again, wet and deep and filthy. He grinds his hips against Kyo's and Kyo makes a weak sound in the back of his throat, fingernails biting into Die's hip where the waistband of his sweatpants dips down. "I didn't say that, but you need to _rest_ ," Die breathes, nipping at Kyo's bottom lip, catching it between his teeth and tugging gently. "You need to rest, and heal, and _I_ need to—"

"You don't need to do _anything_ ," Kyo mutters, his breath blooming hot and damp across Die's skin. "We don't have to— you can just—"

Warmth floods Die's cheeks. He starts to slide off Kyo's lap and his bed, but halts when Kyo catches hold of his hand once again. Die turns his head away, his heart hammering wildly in his chest. Kyo laces their fingers together, gripping tight. _Fuck_.

" _Stay_ ," Kyo says again, still soft. His hands are shaking, Die notices, minute trembles in his fingers that only stop when he digs his nails into the back of Die's hand. "Please."

Die hesitates a moment, perched on the edge of the bunk, staring at the closed door across the room. "If you let me go get you something to eat," Die says. "When was the last time you took the antibiotic and one of your pain meds?"

Kyo rolls his eyes, letting Die go. "While ago, I don't know," he mutters, rolling onto his back and scowling up at his ceiling. After a moment, his gaze darts back towards Die, open and vulnerable. "...You'll come back?"

"I will," Die promises, swallowing hard. He gets up, making his way out of the room and back down the hall, pausing to grab his med kit before doubling back to the mess. He gathers the usual protein bars, but on his way back to Kyo's room, he spies a chocolate bar wrapper. His eyes widen. _Perfect_ , something that doesn't taste like powdered cardboard. Die snatches it up, dimly recalling Kyo's preference for sweeter things from an earlier mission.

It's worth it for how Kyo's eyes light up when he sees it. Die bullies Kyo into upholding his end of the bargain, making him eat and take his meds, while Die checks on the cast and the healing wound in his gut. Both seem to be healing well, to Die's relief.

The second he's done, Kyo drags Die back down onto the bed. Die curls up on his side with his head pillowed on Kyo's chest, listening to the beat of his heart. Kyo plays with the end of Die's braid as they fall asleep.

  
  


*****

**Kyo**  
**Near the Pavalle Outpost of Haluka VII**  
**0720, 197 APF**

Kyo wakes what feels like mere minutes later when he hears the door hiss open. His eyes slit open in the dark, turning his head to frown over towards the figure silhouetted in the doorway.

"Kyo?"comes Toshiya's voice, a low hiss. "Hey, Kyo, are you awake?"

"No," Kyo intones. "Go away."

Toshiya hums, stepping into the room. "Can't," he mutters, coming closer and tripping over a stack of clothes Kyo meant to put away the week before, but the task just feels so insurmountable now after the accident. He stumbles forward, cursing. "Something's up with the engine, it keeps making a funny noise. Come take a look before Kaoru yells... at me... again..." His voice falters and fades into nothing as he comes to a halt near the edge of the bunk.

Die makes a sleepy sound, his hand clenching tighter in the front of Kyo's shirt. Kyo freezes, his fingers still curled in Die's hair at the nape of his neck. With a sigh, Die shifts closer and settles with his head nestled beneath Kyo's chin.

"What kind of funny noise," Kyo whispers. "Can it wait?"

Toshiya just raises his eyebrows but doesn't say anything else, leading the way back out of the room as Kyo exhales and carefully extricates himself. At once, Die rolls over on the bunk, hugging one of Kyo's pillows to his chest. He falls back to sleep almost immediately, and Kyo watches him for a second, hovering at the edge of the bed.

" _Kyo_ ," Toshiya hisses again. "Come _on_."

Shaking himself, Kyo goes to join Toshiya out in the hall, pulling a sweater on over his head and hissing as he pulls at the sutures. "What kind of funny noise," he asks again, trailing after Toshiya to the stairs down to the engine room. He huffs an annoyed sound, gripping the stair rail as he eases his leg cast down the steps without putting too much weight on it. "Like, define ' _funny_ '. Shitty old engine like we've got makes a lot of noises, they're not all bad, no matter _what_ Kaoru says."

"Like, ' _hee-ooh'_ ," Toshiya says, hopping down the last few steps and spinning on his heel to peer up at Kyo. The lights shining through the grille overhead cut stark lines over his face. "Did you finally tell him how you feel?"Toshiya asks, as Kyo makes it down the last of the stairs and waddles past him with as much dignity as he can muster.

Kyo comes to an abrupt halt in the engine room doorway, turning to stare at Toshiya blankly. "Why would I do something stupid like that?"he asks.

Toshiya frowns, shaking his head. "He stayed by your bedside the entire time you were unconscious," he says.

Kyo's gut does a funny swoop not unlike his first spacewalk after he finished training at the Academy. He swallows hard, making the rest of the way into the engine room. Here now, he can hear that Toshiya had described the sound with almost impeccable precision. _Huh._ Kyo blinks, rolling up his sleeves and reaching for his diagnostic terminal and his tools. "So?"

"Didn't eat, barely drank anything unless we shoved it in his face," Toshiya continues after a moment's pause, watching Kyo from the doorway with an unreadable expression. "Wouldn't sleep. He just sat there by your bed, doing everything he could to make sure that you were going to be okay."

_That doesn't track_. Kyo shuffles closer to the engine, searching for the source. It sounds almost as if there's some sort of valve malfunction, so if he can find it... should be an easy enough fix. He swallows. "Why did I wake up alone, then?"he asks.

Toshiya shrugs, rolling his shoulders. "Maybe you should ask him that," he replies. "I gotta go, Shinya pulled a twelve hour shift and if I don't relieve him he might pass out and steer us right into a star and fry us with radiation." Kyo grunts, setting his terminal aside and reaching into the engine with his tools.

When Kyo returns some time later, covered in engine grease, sweat, and a couple new scrapes, he finds Die shuffled over on the bed. He's curled up away from the door on the side of the mattress Kyo favours, always preferring a wall at his back when he sleeps. Kyo doesn't bother trying to wake him, simply climbing back into the bed and snuggling up behind him. Die sighs, relaxing into the touch, and Kyo smiles, pressing his forehead between Die's shoulder blades.

**Author's Note:**

> [fingerguns] hope you liked it ok bye


End file.
